Jesus We Are Fashionable: Token Lesbian Friends are the Brand New Token Gay Friends | Autostraddle

Having a token lesbian friend is the brand new having a token homosexual friend, in line with the

Times of London.

Stephanie Theobald starts her ”
article
” (headlined “imagine that’s coming to dinner? Now lesbians will be the must-have accessory for middle-class culture”) as numerous lackluster pattern portion experts perform, by quoting an individual: a lady named “Claire Balding.” Claire Balding, exactly who gift suggestions pony racing your BBC, testifies that everybody LOVES lesbians ’cause you can easily communicate with all of them about pony racing without worrying that they can just be sure to steal your own boyfriend/husband/mainstream heterosexual utopia away! And! They usually have relationship and use and family members today and there are not any lingering equality problems relating to this everywhere, at all (she claims).

In intro, she produces, ”

And anyway, who cares about sex anymore?”

Either she is arguing that sexuality is a non-issue, considering that the world is open-minded and acknowledging and high in pleased dance butterflies (to which i will merely state, we’ll have just what she’s on, and in addition: this really is
not the case
), or she is arguing that sexuality has-been mentioned to the stage to be as well dull to think about, in which particular case, I am not sure precisely why she’s speaking about it.

In either case, evidently no one cares enough about sex as bothered of the after:

“A great deal of my personal pals are right,” says Emma Reynolds, 32, just who build Tsuru natural sushi restaurants, in London, “and my personal sexuality is actually rarely pointed out. Although occasionally, when I’m gonna a dinner, pals will state, ‘Sarah’s coming, Scott’s coming… plus the two lesbos are on their way.’ ” The different “lesbo” is Clare Eastburn, 34, a banker, Reynolds’s companion of two years. “i believe it is because they do not know lots of lesbians,” Reynolds states. “It’s their own means of normalising the circumstance for everybody.”

This will be, apparently, an example of straight men and women being confident with homosexual women. And being unpleasant? Haley Magee, the master of a nightclub, says:

‘”It is as though i am a modern-day curio. If there is a lull in talk around the table, they believe it’s fine to inquire of truly close questions about my personal sexual life.”

Magee in addition provides the most readily useful response actually to a direct dude inquiring how she understands she actually is a lesbian if she is never really had gender with a guy, which is demonstrably, “how can you understand you’re straight if you’ve never really had gender with one?” Yes, LET’S SPEAK ABOUT THAT AGAIN, just what a revelatory little bit of information.

Additional lesbians in the post discuss their youngsters’ friends’ moms escorting them to perform times constantly; sensation just like the different moms and dads are uncomfortable around them and are generally relieved as long as they uncover the biological dad is involved with their loved ones; being spontaneously supplied semen “all the time” by haphazard men; and feeling like individuals around them are merely “being polite on the surface.” Meanwhile, the directly guys interviewed mention “the classic result of interest, after that a twinge of dissatisfaction at their own unavailability”; those who come out at the office as being an interest of shame; finding all lesbians “very self-centered” and “unbelievably self-centered” considering that the interviewee’s spouse’s sister doesn’t have children and reaches head to pubs; and exactly how lesbians usually wish discuss sex and their interactions.

Theobald subsequently continues to offer a sort of industry self-help guide to the crazy varieties this is the modern-day lesbian, in a reductive and essentializing manner in which in addition becomes a few things completely wrong. As if you are going to perpetuate stereotypes, at the least exercise precisely, correct?

The tips guide stops working gender presentation and fascination with buttoned t-shirts into: the literati, DJs, alphas (translation: Bette Porter), fashionistas (interpretation: femmes with short hair, because clearly anyone with short-hair is actually a lesbian), mind ladies (wistful translation: Emma Watson), eco-activists, and latecomers (interpretation: anyone in a blazer with kiddies). Although it is refreshing observe a lack of references to, say, diminished style sense or cats, there’s something above slightly off-putting about it. Sample:

The DJs





See them:

Throughout the porches at a manner party, or falling out of this container after taking an A-lister.




Trademark appearance:

Justin Bieber perimeter, United states clothing T-shirt, low-slung Carhartt jeans, budget cycle and Louis Vuitton high-tops by Kanye West.




Socialize using them:

With some straight-up tonsil football.

The Alphas





See them:

Regarding the panel of a City firm, or working the trading and investing floor at an international lender.




Trademark look:

Paul Smith match (including jazzy liner), TM Lewin shirt, Mulberry Bayswater, Tom Ford features and Condoleezza Rice screensaver.




Socialize with them:

At Islington meal parties and modern artwork openings.

Plainly, this intensively investigated and thoroughly put together manual was in not a way affected by anybody watching three periods of

The L Term

and attracting results. And that’s most likely why she omitted a number of essential categories: the lovable butch comical (translation:
Julie Goldman times 100
), the malnourished blogger trying to keep in mind precisely what the sunlight looks like, and vegans. After her good example, I’m able to just think that legions of random Uk individuals will today end up being venturing out, equipped with organic hummus, and attempting to befriend lesbians so they can ask them improper questions. Like Skynet and velociraptors, the possibility is actually genuine. Thus:

How-to Place A Straight Person

The Straight Dude Exactly Who Watches Girl-on-Girl Porn

Find them:

In any lesbian bar, by yourself, sitting furtively inside the spot. Or, at
Dinah Shore
.


Signature step:

Suggesting and any girl in proximity for your requirements which you two create an attractive pair and cheerful creepily whenever you you should not respond because you’re both in range for any restroom, providing to contribute semen in case, becoming expected to go away by protection (if you should be fortunate).


Avoid them:

By breaking gender conventions.

The Prim Woman Trying to Eliminate Visual Communication

Locate them:

Getting over defensive at daycare, in mild colored cardigans in directly pubs, at PTA conferences, at Republican exhibitions.


Signature step:

Pulling their children nearer, going to the washroom in order to avoid eye contact, or promoting Prop 8.


Prevent them:

By making away together with your girlfriend/partner/lover.

Saw a Showtime L term Marathon lately, Recommends it to Friends as “Intercourse and the City But Gay”

See them:

In

the Sunday Times

(your
actually
the first occasion).


Signature step:

Creating pattern pieces about befriending lesbians which are entirely off-putting.


Prevent them:

By shutting the tab.

Tend to be we feeling essentialized but?